My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE...
"If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION...
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL...
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC...
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me LOGIC... #2
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT...
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY...
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS...
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA...
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER...
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

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